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No. 1735
School's a bitch. Here's four NPCs:
Ooze (Predator)
Dexterity 2 (Semi-liquid)
Empathy 0 (Creepy)
Intellect 0 (Mindless)
Physique 2 (Climbing, Grappling)
HP 3
Speed 1 (Ooze Factor)
Tools: Digestive Enzymes
(A squelch.)
This is a lot like The Blob, only not invincible and thus not as terrifying. Mindless globs of life, the oozes come in a variety of forms but all have the same overall features. On average, they’re two feet broad and have a fist-sized nucleus with a multitude of lesser ones. They avoid direct sunlight, as that dries them out; oozes take 1 point of damage for every hour spent in direct sunlight. Applied dry heat also hurts them, only with greater speed. The only way an ooze can attack is by grappling; most characters can outrun the globs, so the average ooze has to content itself with smaller critters. But in case an ooze attacks, its prey can always take a stab at its nucleus; a fracture will kill the ooze outright.
Mulch oozes are green and can photosynthesize through their whorls; unlike their hungrier cousins, they do not suffer from being in direct sunlight. Also unlike their cousins, mulch oozes make superb fertilizer once they're killed. Why is that? Well, they feed on decaying organic matter and hardly produce any waste.
Geode oozes appear to be composed of precious gems but flow just as easily as their gelatinous kin. They can lash out with a sharp growth from up to a yard away once every d5 rounds. They too are immune to direct sunlight but are highly flammable, dying within a turn as the flames consume them.
Cake puddings lack any ability to fight. They resemble nothing more than a spherical cake a foot across, covered with chocolate and vanilla frosting whorled together. There's a frosting flower for a nucleus. Catching a cake pudding is extremely hard as they’re not predators but prey; they have a Speed of 6, a Physique of 4 and lack Grappling. But once caught, they make a superb dessert, granting the imbiber 1 Size Point.
Sex puddings come from a BBW’s vagina; they defend their creator and her friends against attackers. A vivid pink, these oozes smell like vanilla and never retreat from a fight. They have a Dexterity of 3 and a Physique of 3, but their Speed does not change. A BBW can produce a sex pudding for every 4 Size Points she possesses. Most don't, for obvious reasons.
Guido, Bull (Entity)
Dexterity 3 (Dancing)
Empathy 4 (Working Class)
Intellect 2 (Brewing)
Physique 5 (Bulging Arms, Tackling)
HP 7
Speed 9
Tools: Cell Phone, Electrum Necklace, Wallet
(Incoherent mumbling.)
Their height varies wildly, but each and every guido bull can best be described as a block of copper with coal specks for eyes. They roam with their buddies along beaches and boardwalks, seeking a good time. To guidos in general, a good time consists of working out, partying and getting drunk. To bulls, the ultimate end to a great party is sex with some girl. To that end they’ve taught themselves the science of homebrewing alcoholic beverages in order to fuel a party on the spot. Thing is, they get aggressive when drunk and so most parties end in fistfights that send sane girls running.
Bulls have two ways of attracting girls: their necklace and their muscles. The average guido necklace is made from electrum and has little crucifixes all over it; they figure such neckwear is an appropriate form of displaying wealth they don't actually have. Their muscles are massive and typically displayed through a-shirts. If neither of things impress a girl, bulls tend to get angry.
Guido, Cow (Entity)
Dexterity 4 (Dancing)
Empathy 4 (Manipulative)
Intellect 2 (Observant)
Physique 4 (Flailing, Masculine)
HP 4
Speed 7
Tools: Cell Phone, Electrum Earrings, Purse
(Incoherent whining.)
Sometimes calling themselves "guidettes", guido cows are always much smaller than the bulls but bear the same coloration, with the addition of having bizarre faces. They also like to wear skimpy clothes, attracting bulls but disgusting everyone else with their poor dieting results. Cows really enjoy the same things as bulls, but for slightly different reasons.
They crave the drama they produce, getting the bulls to compete over vague promises of sex. They're addicted to the gossip-wars. Other cows are simultaneously friend and foe, a cycle of backhanded compliments and genuine insults that somehow mutates into mumbled allegiances. Should a girl they don't recognize appear, all hell can break loose in the herd. Cows are as xenophobic as bulls and despise non-cows that attract the bulls' attention. At best, they'll just sling some insults and return to their gossip. At worst, there's a frenzy of flailing arms and gnashing of teeth.
Housewife (Entity)
Dexterity 4 (Good Balance)
Empathy 3 (Emotional States)
Intellect 3 (Home Upkeep, Local Area)
Physique 2 (Bluster)
HP 3
Speed 6
Tools: Cell Phone, Kubotan Key-Ring, Wallet
“Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?”
Normally placid within their homes, housewives take offense to anything that might influence the minds of their children. They take even greater offense to anything that offends them personally, which seems to be everything outside of their home. However much they talk the talk, they can't walk the walk; when the target of their ire proves too much to handle, they collapse mentally, gibbering and scuttling back home. As an upside, their kitchens tend to be full of grub, enough to supply anywhere from 2 to 4 Size Points. Their kubotan key-ring lets them do 2 damage for the first d5 turns of combat on which they choose to attack.
Not all housewives are like this, of course. In some cases, one of the PCs might have one for a mother - or might be an exceptional housewife herself! Housewives that are sane might make decent friends and/or have better Atts.
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